"I write about things (sometimes games) on the internet. Who doesn't? N.B. Princess-ass Princess & Polite Canadian Cutie."

-Twitter bio

Janine Hawkins may be a struggling writer by day, but by night she transforms into a magical be-ribboned crimefighter determined to vanquish evil... And play a lot of Harvest Moon. Priorities right? Janine's streams are all over the map, but she favors any game that can get a laugh (one way or another.)

-StreamFriends bio


Known in the streets as "Sweat Pea"

She's From Canada.

She dislikes sharks and the cold hateful abyss of space.

Her soothing voice will drive safely away from bloodmoon madness.[Citation needed]

Has t-rex arms.

Proud (former) owner of a Lara Croft Pin-Up poster.

She thinks Flesh Mecha are cute.

Janine is the local chair fire marshall for her neighborhood.

Janine is better known as the 'Queen of Lies' in the common tongue.

Quotes (alphabetically by game)

We done fucked up this game, guys. - 7 Grand Steps

This is the Dark Souls of cooking sims. - Cook, Serve, Delicious!

(to Dre) "You can probably do this!" - Garshasp

This could be a puzzle from Saw. Everything's dirty and unsettling. Slow and bad. - Face Noir

Skin mittens are really warm and cost-effective, so... - Face Noir

This game sounds like it was recorded on a Gamecube microphone. - Into the Dark

I get a lot of spam e-mail from India about apartment complexes. - Magical Diary

Why are you in detention with Ted Danson? What is going on? - Magical Diary

Oh God, this is a nightmare. This is an actual nightmare. - Magical Diary

It's a contingency pig. We still have apples. - Minecraft

Hey, this is important, if a cactus comes up behind you, run. - Minecraft

Can I have some stray dirt? - Minecraft

Ugh, I don't want any part of this diamond nonsense. - Minecraft

It's not a bedpan if there's no bed, it's a poop pot. - The Order: 1886

Phil: So why are we shooting all these dudes? / Janine: I was just about to ask YOU that! - The Order: 1886

I don't think that tree's right. - Recovery Search and Rescue Simulation

You're talking to your rucksack? - Recovery Search and Rescue Simulation

This is just Hannibal: Season 2: The Video Game. - Recovery Search and Rescue Simulation

This guy has a lot of floor beer. - Skyrim

You don't want scarabs in your filtration system. - The Sims 3

You don't get to be a mermaid for like five years! - The Sims 3

I don't want Phil to be killed by chinchillas is the thing. - Sims Medieval

How 'bout a crotch-pouch stuffed with leaves? Does that seem Dre-ish to you? - Sims Medieval

Get a dress or get out! - Style Savvy

We need to intervene, because this girl is making all her clothes out of tablecloths and I'm really worried about her. - Style Savvy 

Links (not related to any Hyrulean saviour)

Janine on Twitter

Janine's website, Healer Archer Mage

Janine on Twitch

Janine on YouTube

Janine's writing on Paste.

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